Two Short Stories ~ Written by Amber B.
'Barnabas Goes To The Optometrist' A/N: Ok, I am in the craziest mood, so I had to write this. It is
absolutely awful but I hope you will at least find it amusing! Don’t even ask
where this came from . . . crackity-crack-crack crackity-crack-crack . . .
WARNING: THIS IS A MAJOR CRACK-FIC!!!!!! YOU HAVE BEEN
WARNED!!!!!!!!! -------------------------------------------------------------
Barnabas came up the basement stairs and entered the foyer at the old
house. "Hey Barnabas." Willie said Barnabas ignored his servant and went straight to the door and
grabbed his cloak. "Where you goin’?" Willie asked "Out." Barnabas replied shortly "I figured that. Where? Oh no, your not going to say your going to
Maggie Evan’s again jus’ ta be distracted by yer long-dead sister, which I’ll
know nothin’ about that’ll lead ta me gettin’ shot which’ll in-turn lead ta my
insanity, are ya?" Barnabas looked blankly at Willie for a minute before answering, "No.
At least, that is if I understood you. You can be so confusing at times, Willie.
I’m going to an eye doctor." "Really? Why?" Willie asked "Because my eyes are bad, you stupid fool! I’ve been missing my aim
with my fangs a lot, lately. I just want to make sure that my eyes are alright.
Now, I’ll be back later, mind the house while I’m gone." Barnabas said, opening
the front door. "Uh, isn’t that what I git paid for?" Willie said "I don’t pay you." Barnabas replied "I didn’t mean you, I meant the people behind the camera that you
hear and sometimes see by mistake." Willie corrected "Oh, well then yes. I’ll be back later." "You said that already!" Barnabas grimaced, said nothing and left the house. ------------------------------------- A few hours later . . . Barnabas came up the basement stairs and entered . . . "Wait a minute
Narrator, I did this already!" Barnabas whined "Oops, sorry Barny! Let me fix that!" the Narrator
replied Barnabas walked into the Old House, the hat on his head that
magically appeared out of nowhere pulled low over his face. "Hey Barn, you alright?" Willie asked his master "I’m fine, go away!" Barnabas snapped "No yer not, you always say that when your not alright. Now what’s
wrong? Here, let me take yer hat." Willie then plucked the hat off of Barnabas’
head. "Willie don’t!" Barnabas cried, but it was too late. Willie looked at
Barnabas with an astounded look, before completely breaking down in a fit of
giggles. "Stop! I command you to stop it!" Barnabas said "I-I’m s-sorry Barnabas-but I-I can’t h-help it!!!! Bahaha!!!!!"
Willie began laughing again, "But, I mean, you picked those glasses?"
Willie asked with a wide grin spread across his features "This was the only style they had, and the doctor said that I needed
them because for some reason my eyes have been deprived of light." At this comment, Willie began laughing again. "You impossible fool! Go and, clean the basement. ALL of it you idiot
so that way I can bite you and mess it up with your blood!" "What ever you say Barny!" Willie said rushing to the basement to do
his master’s bidding, while Barnabas turned to a mirror to see if the glasses
really did look funny on him, but just to come to the realization that he had no
reflection. Raising his fist in the air, he shouted outloud to no one in
particular, "Curse you crazily-obsessed-with-me
Angeliiiiiiique!!!!!!!!" The End A/N: I warned you. .............................. 'The Hidden Side: The Piano' It was nearing six o’clock, and Willie was cleaning the Old House
Library. He walked over to the old piano and began to polish it with a wood
cleaner when he felt the longing to play. Something he hadn’t done in a long
time. He threw a cautious glance at the door, and listened to make sure Barnabas
wasn’t up, then sat down on the stool, and began to softly play, ‘Moonlight
Sonata’ by Ludwig Van Beethoven. As he played, memories of his mother sitting with him at their small
piano teaching him in her kind way. Teaching him pieces such as ‘Fur
Elise’ and ‘Waltz in A Minor’ . . . he remembered the night she came
home, and told them all she was pregnant. The night that she told Willie that he
would be a big brother. They were all so happy, just as a family should
be. But a week later everything changed. His mother came home from a
doctors appointment and found out that the baby had miscarried. He remembered
his father had been so devastated that he started drinking, and was becoming
violent . . . Willie shut his eyes and breathed in deeply, letting the music
fill him and drown all other thoughts from his mind. As he played the song’s final notes, there was a voice behind him,
"Well now Willie, you never told me that you played the piano." Willie jerked his hands away from the piano and whipped his head
around. He shakily stood up, "B-Barnabas, I-I’m sorry. I shouldna touched
it." Barnabas ignored Willie’s comment, "What else can you play, Willie?"
he asked Willie looked at him with a perplexed look, "Huh . . .?" "You heard me." Barnabas snapped "W-well, Ma taught me alotta things, I-I can’t rememba the names of
‘em all." Willie replied Barnabas’ voice was unusually quiet as he spoke, "Play me
something." "W-what?" "Play me something Willie, anything." Barnabas growled
back "Alright, alright." Willie said, sitting back down. He thought for a
moment before playing, ‘Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring’ by Johann Sebastian
Bach. The Vampire sat down in one of the chairs and closed his eyes,
allowing the music to fill his senses. Willie had begun to feel a little more nervous, playing in Barnabas’
presence, but he ignored it and music once again began to take
over. All the while, the song seemed to float through the room and seemed
to bring for the first and only time, a peace between Master and Servant . .
.