Joe Haskell Gets Out Of Wyndcliffe
A Funny Short Story By Lalinda
December 18, 2003
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JOE HASKELL GETS OUT OF WYNDCLIFFE Scene: Wyndcliffe fifty years later. Barnabas and Julia are coming down the hall as the nurse comes out leading Joe by the hand. Barnabas: Julia, let me help you, my dear. Here, use my cane. Since Willie left me it's pretty damn useless. Julia: Thank you, dear Barnabas. Isn't this an exciting day? Finally, after all these years, Joe gets to be released from Wyndcliffe... Barnabas (smiling): Yes, and he has us to thank for it. Julia (batting her eyes): Us? Oh, really! Barnabas, you know it was all my doing... Barnabas (clearing his throat): Ahem! My dear, Julia. It has been thirty years since you have been young enough to do anything to help anyone. Even yourself! Julia (brandishing the cane): I can use this as well as anyone, Barnabas Collins! Don't tempt me to break it over your head. Barnabas (laughing): Julia, you make me laugh, even after all these years. Nurse (smiling): Hello, Dr. Hoffman. Mr. Collins. Are you ready to take Mr. Haskell home? Barnabas and Julia look at each other. Julia: Home! Oh my! Barnabas, where are we going to take him? He hasn't any home. Not anymore. Barnabas: Of course he does. He can use the cottage now that Chris and Sabrina aren't there anymore. Julia: Did you clear that with Liz? Barnabas: Of course I did. The poor dear agrees to whatever I ask of her anymore. Come, Joe. We are taking you home. Joe (leaning on his walking stick): Thank you, Barnabas. You are being so kind to me. Barnabas: And why shouldn't I be? After all, I feel some obligation to Chris and Tom's cousin...and dear Amy's... Joe (with tears in his eyes): And you say the last words Amy said before she died were, Help Joe get well? How sweet of her. I always did love Amy. Julia: Yes, Joe. She loved you, too. Barnabas: Shall we go? Suddenly Joe stares at Barnabas. Barnabas: Is something wrong, Joe? Joe (starting to laugh): Is there something wrong? Is there something wrong you ask! I should say so...The vampire and the werewolf...There was more than one vampire...You Barnabas are a vampire too! Julia (reaching to slap Joe) throws herself off balance and Barnabas reaches out to keep her from falling. Joe: Barnabas Collins is the vampire! Barnabas Collins is the vampire! Barnabas: Quick Julia! Give him a seditive. Put him back in the strait jacket! Nurse: Oh dear! He's had a relapse. I am so sorry. Julia: Where's my little black bag, Barnabas? Barnabas: Oh no! Nurse: What is it? Barnabas: The little black bag of seditives has been thrown over Widow's Hill! Julia: Why? What are you talking about, Barnabas? Barnabas: Remember, Julia? When you were diagnosed with dementia, you had to give up your practice and we had a ceremony and threw the bag and all your seditives over the cliff of Widow's hill and you promised never to use them again. Joe (laughing): Julia's in love with the vampire! Julia's in love with the vampire. Nurse (soothingly): Come, Mr. Haskell. We have a nice room for you and you'll never have to leave it again. The end. |
| Lalinda |